I’ve been more stressed out lately, some stuff has come up, work has been sucking, yadda yadda…and I feel like I just can’t handle Kirby well. I’m just at a loss for what to do to help him on a daily basis and what kinds of adjustments I should be making with the rest of the family.

What he is doing is he gets EXTREMELY upset over the smallest things that I just can’t control, and shouldn’t control, really. Monkey has always gotten on his last nerve but they’ve actually been really good lately…playing well and while she still does things to him on purpose to get him annoyed, he’s not too bad with it.

But Squishy, oh my lord, if she just says “no.” out of nowhere he screams, gets all red, falls on the floor, cries and then yesterday he actually sort of let himself fall down the stairs (they’re split halfway and all carpeted so he wouldn’t get hurt but still). He’ll get so mad and kick things, or hit things occasionally, but mostly will display self injurious behavior – usually banging his head on something. And it’s literally, seriously, over a simple “no” from Squishy. I am not exaggerating a bit. She may not even be saying it to him, sometimes she just goes around saying it!

Other than this overreaction I have pretty much always been able to understand where the source of frustration/anxiety/pain/etc. has come from with him. I am not always able to avoid the source, but I logically know what the response is to. But with this, I just can’t figure out why it would be so hard for him to hear that. It’s not like she was screaming it in his ear because then I would understand (he’s very sensitive to loud sounds).

What the heck? So last night I found myself being stern with Squishy who really is a bit young to try and discipline like that, but then why do I need to get mad at them when it’s something that NORMALLY wouldn’t be a problem, you know? I feel bad.

And then this morning, Kirby asked what something was and I said “wind turbines” (we saw a bunch of those on the hills this last weekend). Then Monkey calmly said, “no they’re airplane capellers”. Kirby lost it. The fact that she said something that he knew was wrong was that upsetting to him. And then he screams “It’s NOT ok!” when I say it’s ok that she says that or that she thinks that. I say to him, next time just say “oh Monkey you’re silly” and sometimes he does that but if he’s even remotely tired, hungry or anything other than being the half hour after eating or sleeping, then he has a fit still.

So I am confused. I know with Kirby we have to adjust things in our lives for him, but how much? I can’t discipline or get mad at the girls for just playing and being kids because he’s uber-sensitive for no apparent reason.

And also, do I discipline Kirby for getting upset? He can’t control his feelings, and him controlling his actions is very difficult. He’s impulsive and what’s worse, is when he’s upset there’s no getting through to him. He’s better than he was when he was younger, but you can’t sit him down and talk and reason about why we don’t do X or Y. It’s completely lost on him at those moments and then talking to him afterward isn’t much better because he just doesn’t understand or he says “ok” but then in the heat of the moment it’s all gone.

I want him to express his feelings, I want to know why he feels the way he does about things like that, and I want to help him find an appropriate outlet for his anger/frustration without hurting himself.

I just don’t know what to do or where I can go. Doctors are no help with autism, insurance won’t cover anything because “the school provides everything he needs” and even still, I’m not sure what he would need, kwim? Every morning before school it has turned into a frantic effort to keep Kirby from freaking out before we leave. I feel like we have to keep the girls away from him all the time. :(