I’m not sure where to put this, or if I should/can even type this out.

I’ll start with a sort of question, do you feel you have a stronger bond with one of your children more than the other? I know so many things can play into this, like probably the older child you might feel closer or a stronger bond with than your 4 month old – and for obvious reasons – but other than stuff like that, do you feel closer to one more than the other(s)? What do you attribute it to? Does it bother you? Honestly…

I know my situation may be unique because of how Kirby is, but I’m starting to feel really bad about some things. The more Monkey does and the more her personality comes out, I am starting to feel worse and worse about some things with Kirby.

Before having her I guess I really didn’t know what a normal parent/child bond is like. Of course I love him with every part of my being, but there is clearly a block between him and others. He’s hard to really connect with. It’s fine on the surface but I have a truly incredible bond already with Monkey and I can’t help but feel bad that I don’t/didn’t/can’t have that with Kirby. He just CAN’T…at least right now or not yet.

And then on top of that, she’s been co-sleeping with me (something Kirby never liked) and is breastfed (something Kirby never did well) so we have some extra bonding help right there. I thought that was it but I know it’s more than that.

Does this happen to people with “normal” kids and how they deal/dealt with it? I am giving Kirby as much extra time as I can and he’s affectionate and sweet but I know a lot of it is just conditioning. i.e. he knows he should hug/kiss when saying goodbye, etc. Monkey is SO affectionate all on her own. It’s so sweet how she just gives me hugs out of nowhere and she is compassionate already. She tries to make it better if Kirby is crying. We just…”connect”.

*sigh* Anyway, kind of a long rambling post but it’s something on my mind lately.